OF FRIENDS AND PAYING THEIR DUES

There is this classic movie I watched called the God father. In the movie, Michael Corleone the main protagonist coins a phrase “friendship and money, oil and water” to the wicked catholic priest who was eager to receive a cheque from him. Of course, it was later realized that the catholic priest intended to defraud the boss of the Cosa Nostra.

Michael Corleone in the Godfather movie by Mario Puzo.

Enough of the movie. However, the phrase builds on the point I want to make in this article. I have come to appreciate the deep philosophical view from that phrase. Ask yourself. Why it is that people we consider to be our friends, almost always never pay us back when we lend them money and yet those people with whom we have less acquaintance to always meet their payment obligation when we lend them? For some reason, when we ask our friends to pay us back, we become a problem to them. The request becomes more of a bother than a deal to be honoured.  They start to tell us how they are well aware that they owe us therefore not necessitating any ‘constant’ reminder on our part and yet take forever to show any signs of paying us back. They even castigate us for being so demanding of them that we feel like the proverbial foolish wicked man whose master forgave his debts but murdered his comrade in cold blood when he could not pay him. We become nuisances, self-centered people that do not understand their ill-plight and struggles. They forget that in the day of their distress, they ran to us and we gave them reprieve from their problems. When their problems are out of the way and their immediate interests served, we become part of their future problems.  One friend of mine (name withheld), in justifying his nonpayment, even went as far as telling me that when I lent him money, it became his and so he could give it to me back at his own convenience. Imagine the temerity!!! They expect us to always be understanding and empathetic when they say they don’t have money due to many problems they are facing. And yet if one looks closely, they are merely pitting their own selfish interests against ours. And in concentrating on their own needs, ours become secondary. They do not realize that human needs are so endless and can never be completely fully fulfilled at any one time. They forget that at one point, we may have foregone our immediate needs and helped them go through a hard time. They forget that we showed them loving and kindness when we selflessly helped them. Besides that, when men of good sense make agreements, they must hold them in sanctity. Good faith must always be kept at all times - fides sit servanda. This is a universal principle of fairness and justice. Even though obligations might not always be strictly performed, a good friend acting out of goodwill always extends time for the other party to meet their obligations. But alas, unscrupulous men still won't meet their obligation to pay simply because doing so, is and cannot be regarded as being in their immediate self-interest. On pure principle, no matter how pressing their interests are, they ought to keep their word and pay up. Nevertheless, they will make excuses and become angry when we remind them of their obligation to pay. Can these people really be our friends? Machiavelli writes in his book, The Prince;

“Friendships that are by rewards and not greatness and nobility of soul, although deserved, yet are not real, cannot be depended upon in time of adversity’’.

These people we sacrifice for in their times of need and then forget us when we want them to repay the favor cannot surely be our friends. They later alone cannot be expected to help us in our times of adversity when the necessity for our friendship is far off.